There are some social security benefits in being divorced. You are, as you know, entitled to social security benefits both before and after divorce based on your own earnings record. If, however, you have been married for ten years or more then you are also entitled to social security benefits based on the earnings of your spouse even after divorce.

You can only do this if you do not remarry or up till you get remarried. This ten year issue is important though, not just for social security.

If you have been married for a period of about nine years before the marriage breaks down then it might be a good idea not to get divorced immediately. You could file for separation for the period of time it will take for you to complete those ten years together.

It is a good idea to consult and accountant or, better, an attorney about this and see what benefits there are in being married for this ten year period.

As already mentioned these benefits are void if you remarry. You will be entitled to benefits from your new partner’s earnings but the same rules will apply. That means you will have to be married for ten years to get the same benefits again.

How to Overcome Insecurities After Divorce
A very important bit of a woman’s road to recovery after a messy divorce is how to overcome the insecurities she is burdened with. A divorce is something which saps a person’s self-esteem, takes away all the self -confidence which a person has and replaces it with a lot of debilitating insecurities.

Divorcees start to question every aspect of themselves and the lives they have led till that point - nothing is safe and secure any more. After the way their marriage - which they thought would be perfect when they started out - ended, people cannot count on the sure things in life any longer.

However, in order to make sure that the rest of your life is happy, you have to break out of this shell you have created around yourself, to protect yourself from any more hurt. You have to venture out into the world and begin to date again. The following information should help you to deal with your insecurities and get over them.

How to deal with doubt and suspicion
Divorce is something which will leave the most painful mark on a woman’s life. It is the most difficult thing a woman can go through in her life. It is an event which destroys one’s belief in oneself and also upsets every feature of one’s life.

During the divorce proceedings and after the divorce is finalized, nothing in one’s life remains the same anymore. The disturbance caused due to a divorce often leads to major change in a person’s financial condition, family situation and support in society, to just name a few of the issues.

During the years one is married, most aspects of life become a sort of team effort, from basic grocery shopping to other stuff. After the divorce such everyday little things such as going to the supermarket to buy grocery has a huge impact on a person’s sense of security.

The things which used to be shared between two people become one person’s entire responsibility suddenly. Such unfamiliar things can totally bring about a major sense of uncertainty into people’s lives where they suddenly have to confront so many unfamiliar issues on their own.

Divorce is also accompanied with a great sense of loss, because you’ve lost one person who meant the world to you for so many years. The end of every close relationship, even if it were a troubled one, will certainly entitle a feeling of loss for some time.

A messy divorce can cause a person to feel as sad as if the spouse had passed away. Irrespective of the way it happens, a loss is a loss. Even when a couple are not getting along at all, they decide to stay together in order to prevent themselves from feeling the sense of loss which will cause so much pain to both.

This sense of loss and uncertainty makes women lose all trust in their own sense of judgment. Women frequently wonder if they can actually follow their judgments and act in their own best interests, after going through a divorce. This is even more prominent when women start dating again.

Since a lot of divorces are triggered by husbands who cheated and betrayed them in other ways, women find it very difficult to open up to someone else and trust other men again.

However, if women keep carrying on such depressing suspicions and doubts, they will not be able to have another happy relationship.

Confront your doubts and suspicions in order to give your new relationship a fair chance

If feelings of suspicion are not controlled, it will be extremely unhealthy. Every one has some moments of uncertainty, but being afraid of betrayal every moment of your life is not going to augur well for your new relationship.

If you are unceasingly suspicious, you might misconstrue an innocent event and take it in a very negative way. For instance, if you tend to be insecure and suspicious, if the person you’re dating does not return your call immediately, you will instantly assume that he does not care about you at all or that he is dating someone else.

If you misunderstand innocent things and assume the worst possible case scenario, then it will not only make you unnecessarily unhappy, but will also make you even more prone to suspicion as you go along, This way, you will never be able to have a decent, happy relationship ever again. Negativity will only lead to more negativity if you proceed this way.

Since there are many accidents, innocent coincidences and misunderstandings which happen in life, harboring suspicions against your loved ones will only result in unhappiness for all. It is very hard to deal with such suspicious people, as they will look for ulterior motives behind the simplest things.

Talk openly about the insecurities you are facing
The best way you can let your partner know about the negative feelings you are dealing with is to tell him openly.

After going through a painful divorce, people try to hide their insecurities and suspicions from their new partners, fearing that it might hurt their relationship.

However, it is this hiding of one’s true feelings from the other person, which gives rise to the problems in a relationship. Your hidden emotions will show through at one time or the other through your behavior and through sudden mood swings. You could act adversely, such as flirting with other people just to make your partner feel as jealous and insecure as you feel at all times.

Talking to your partner about your emotions is the best way you can ensure that your new relationship has a fair chance of being a happy one. When your partner knows what you have been through in your marriage, he will understand why you feel like this in your new relationship.

He will be able to help you to deal with their difficult emotions. Talking about your problems with him, will teach you that you have someone to lean on who will support you, and understand who you are.

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